


Awake

by lady_wonder



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Kissing, Gay Remus Lupin, M/M, Male Slash, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, POV Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus Lupin is still my favorite HP character FIGHT ME, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin Friendship, Sirius Black Being Ridiculous, Sirius Black Being an Idiot, Sirius Black Flirts, Underage Drinking, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Remus Lupin, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8767522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_wonder/pseuds/lady_wonder
Summary: And Remus can very nearly hear the break in his voice when Sirius asks, "D'you love me?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is another old Wolfstar piece from my youth. I did some edits, so hopefully it reads well. It's also dedicated to commenter **kit** , for renewing my love for these two boys. Enjoy!

"Okay. Honesty time." Sirius sets down his half-full bottle of tepid Fire Whiskey and looks at Remus as though ready to question the deepest secrets of the universe. "Am I a decent lover?"  
  
It's curious, though hardly unsurprising, that such a question barely inspires a flicker of change in Remus. Politely, he clears his throat and tips his bottle to his drunken friend, lips just as crimson and dry as the drink itself.  
  
"I do not know," he replies, because he doesn't. "We have never made love." Because they haven't. "Nor have we fallen in or attempted to be." He moves the bottle with his words, making circular motions with his hand that cause the room to spin.  
  
Sirius watches him and frowns. "We haven't?"  
  
At any other time, Remus would accuse him of being coy -- Sirius is always being coy, demure like a cat, like the species-confused prick he is, _beautiful_ , so _fucking_ beautiful -- but there is a question mark in his voice that makes Remus realize he is genuinely perplexed.  
  
"No," he says. The words come out like a backwards swallow, throat rippling up and out, and crawl over Remus' tongue. "We have not."  
  
Sirius drops his head back, licks up another sweat-drop of his Fire Whiskey, and asks, "Why not?"  
  
Perhaps it's the hour-- the moon, how it casts away into dawn and releases Remus from its hold, shadows pulled away and howls dissolved into silence, shards of morning breaking through the cracks of the Shrieking Shack like white strips of glass. Perhaps it's the ache-- the feeling, the moment, the pause of how it's the first time they've been together since they stopped speaking, since Sirius _fucking_ Black destroyed everything, including Remus and what little he is, very little indeed. Or perhaps it's the fire itself-- it manifests and sears, intoxicating and pivotal, and Remus is dizzy, dizzy, oh _very_ dizzy, and he wonders if Sirius will catch him when he falls...  
  
But Remus closes his eyes and slowly lies down against the floor. His head meets the decaying wood with a permeable thump, and he feels the water-like shockwaves bathe in and out from his limbs. He is very drunk, or so he blames this feeling on.  
  
"Moony?" When Remus looks again, Sirius has joined him on the floor. They are face-to-face, such a fucking _pretty_ face, should be illegal for a _dog_ to look so good. Sirius reaches out and touches his chin. "Moony moony moony moony..."  
  
Politely again, Remus clears his throat. "You're drunk," he informs and turns his eyes up to the ceiling, but Sirius does not withdraw his hand.  
  
"Quite." Sirius' fingers tickle the tufts of hair still present on his jaw. Then, he grazes the skin of his neck, just so, and flares Remus awake. "Why haven't we made love?"  
  
"We're blokes," Remus says.  
  
This seems like an appropriate response until Sirius, very undrunkenly, says, "So?"  
  
"We're..." And this part is hard, Remus discovers, and he is terrified as to why. "We're mates."  
  
This too seems appropriate; yet Remus hates it and hates it even more when it successfully silences the intoxicated bugger, Sirius' lips twisting into a fixture of contemplation that only someone like him could meet when into their twelfth hour of being wide awake. Bloody fuck should just go to sleep already. There is very little sense in staying up and getting their heads knickered by Fire Whiskey, even if it is considered only in hindsight.  
  
Then again... _He did always say he'd stay up with me until the night was sure to be gone_ , but that-- that is a bad thought. A bad bad _bad_ thought, and Remus closes his eyes again to make it go away.  
  
Yet it stays. And so does Sirius, ever undeterred.  
  
"Moony." His fingers brush Remus' chin again. "Moony, Moony-- open your eyes--"  
  
"Why?"  
  
And Remus can very nearly _hear_ the break in his voice when Sirius asks, "D'you love me?"  
  
It is a very sober question. Somber. Severe-- a word which reminds Remus of Snape and makes him wince, but better to have that than call the question _serious_ and have a plethora of ironic complications follow. But it is serious. A serious question from Sirius himself.  
  
The wordplay is enough to distract him from answering. Stealing another long gulp of Fire Whiskey, hot liquid gurgling down his chin and onto Sirius' fingers when he can't swallow fast enough, is enough to make him momentarily forget the inquiry. Somewhere in the crevices of his brain, Remus wishes to be drunk like this more often, because while being smashed does not bring on the lack of thought, it does allow him to never think straight. Though glancing at Sirius now from the corner of his gaze, through the hazy light of morning and kiss of alcohol, he reckons he was never much _straight_ to begin with...  
  
"Moony?" Damn.  
  
Remus sighs and tears his eyes away from the ceiling to look at Sirius. Clearly, this is a bad idea from the start, because their proximity is close, far too close for sober and somber blokes and mates such as themselves, and Sirius' breath shudders when it graces Remus' skin. It warms a little something in his gut, clenching up into his chest, and the words from there just seem to tumble out. "Of course I love you."  
  
"But I--" Sirius searches Remus' face. Hand still touching his chin, his fingers trace Remus' jawline in another undrunken fashion. This invites the idea that maybe they aren't sloshed; maybe it's simply the moment that is intoxicated. "I broke it."  
  
"You..." Remus wrinkles his nose, studying Sirius like the phenomenon he was. "You broke it?"  
  
Then Sirius' hand falls away from Remus' face, snaking down the length of his neck and shoulder until curving into the center of his chest. His fingers spread out over Remus' pulse, like tiny wings, and his eyes are wide when he looks up again. "I broke it."  
  
Remus suddenly feels very cold. The blaze of the Fire Whiskey has abandoned him. He feels nothing but the chill of the morning and where his heart pounds beneath the palm of Sirius' hand. "Yes," he finally says. "Yes, you did break it."  
  
"So I'm not a decent lover?"  
  
"No." Remus sucks in a sharp breath. "No, you are in fact a shitty lover."  
  
When he closes his eyes, probably to spare himself the reaction that would materialize over Sirius' face, Sirius begins to chant again. "Moony," he says, quiet. "Moony moony moony moony moony."  
  
"You better not break out into song."  
  
"Open your eyes, but I make no promises."  
  
Remus slowly obliges. When he meets Sirius' gaze, the boy smiles and leans in closer. The tip of their noses brush, the way two animals do when greeting their mates. It is an affectionate gesture and it terrifyingly settles into a permanent space in Remus' memory. He doesn't seem to mind.  
  
"Shitty lover?" Sirius echoes.  
  
Remus frowns. "Very."  
  
"Can I try again?"  
  
At first, Remus thinks that Sirius wants to try and be a shitty lover _again_ , which nearly prompts the response that he won't have to try very hard-- the prick has always been talented at taking his foot into his mouth and chewing until there isn't any flavor left. But the intoxication escapes them, and this remains as a very _serious_ moment.  
  
"Try again?" Remus wonders.  
  
"Can I try to make love again?" Sirius grins lazily. "With you?"  
  
In a few hours, things will be back to normal. Remus will return to his studies and Sirius will continue being an arse. They will tease and taunt each other, the others, and they will be friends for the mere sake that they know too much about each other. It may be better that way, it may not. But Remus chuckles, shaking his head a little, and can't help but give in to the smile Sirius always seems to put back on his face.  
  
As for right now, he is awake and he is his Moony.  
  
Remus pulls Sirius in for a kiss. Their lips touch briefly, softly, and it serves as his response to the question. When they pull back, however, Remus still gives it a voice, if not simply to prove that he still has his after kissing Sirius Black.  
  
"All right," he says. Then, he grabs Sirius' Fire Whiskey and takes another messy sip. "But I expect more than just _decent_ this time--"  
  
Sirius, the coy bastard, pulls Remus back to his mouth and steals the rest.

**Author's Note:**

> I still have a few more of these, so if you're interested in more flustered and nerdy Remus, just leave a comment or kudos to let me know. Thanks!


End file.
